Want to know what to eat tonight? Who won the Academey Award for best sound in 1979? Why I hate Matt Lauer? I’ll tell you. You should go to Olive Garden (cause when you’re there, you’re family), Mark Berger picked up an Oscar for his work in Apocalypse Now, and I have always hated Matt Lauer because he has a stupid jerk face. That’s just a little taste of what you get here at talktoberger. 

No question is too tough, because if I don’t know the answer I’ll just make up something that sounds true. If I don’t like your question, I’ll probably change it to my liking before I answer. If I don’t like you, I’ll still answer your question, but I won’t like it. So click on the “Questions“ link above and start asking.

- Berger

6/14/09 UPDATE: “Old Shit” Archives recently broken, now fixed. Speaking of which, I highly reccomend reading up on old month’s questions…plenty of good material from back when more people took time out of their day to actually ask quality questions.

3/8/09 UPDATE: In honor of Beans’ recent question lifting his self-imposed boycott of TTB, I finally figured out how to list questions from newest to oldest.

2/24/09 UPDATE: Big milestone here at TTB, we have just reached 5,000 hits as of today. As President and CEO of the site, I have decided to treat all employees here to a philly cheesesteak sandwich and some ice cream for dinner tonight to celebrate.

2/18/09 UPDATE: Been awhile since the last update, hope everyone is doing well out there. Due to this decrease in questions and the downturn in the economy, we have been forced to lay off 1,237 employees here at TTB…I hope you’re happy. The remaining staff (staff) is more than happy to answer any new questions, so please keep asking, if not for them, for their families.

12/31/08 UPDATE: The “Poll Question of the Week” was screwed up, now it should work…every time. Vote once, vote 100 times, it’s your day you’re wasting, I won’t stop you.

12/28/08 UPDATE: Google is now listing my page as search result #10 (page 1) when you search for the words “hate matt lauer” (you must include the quotes)…I’m not sure what is more amazing…the fact that I’m listed or that 9 other websites talk about not liking him more than mine. Try it out, it’s hilarious.

12/27/08 UPDATE: Berger 4K is here, the website got hit number 4,000 earlier tonight. I want to thank all the little people out there for making this possible. By little people I mean midgets who enjoy reading Talk To Berger. Thank you.

12/13/08 UPDATE: I have had a few people want to know about how they can get their hands on a copy of my most recent role on film, “Legwork”. The movie went straight to VHS, so it is a little tough to come by, but if you are interested please let me know and I’ll see what I can do. Side note; because of this important role, I am officially 2 degrees from Kevin Bacon. True story, click here if you don’t believe me.

12/5/08 UPDATE: New feature: now you can pretend to be like Berger and answer a question yourself. Check out the “Poll Question of the Week” on the “Questions” page. Each week, the most popular answer will be posted as fact. Suggestions for future week’s poll questions will be considered and likely rejected.

12/1/08 UPDATE: “W’s Weekly Wrant” is now back, live, and seeing more action than Califar at summer camp.

11/17/08 UPDATE: I just noticed we have a little over 3,000 hits. Big cash prize to whoever registers as hit number 10,000 (estimated to be appx Nov, 2036…cash prize paid out in pesos).

11/16/08 UPDATE: After a long, successful run of exactly zero “wrants” in over two weeks, W has lost his wrant privileges.

11/4/08 UPDATE: Upon request, I have added a new page “W’s Weekly Wrant“. W informed me that he had bidness to get off his chest on a weekly basis, the world waited.

11/3/08 UPDATE: The “Secret Page” was deemed to be too easy to find, so it has been retitled the “Not So Secret Page”. Please continue to pretend it isn’t there and avoid clicking on it.

10/8/08 UPDATE: It’s a girl! Many answers will now be given in between burps, poops, and spit-up. Also, it’s highly likely I will be insanely sleep deprived for months to come, so don’t be suprised if I stop making any sense.

10/1/08 UPDATE: I don’t think it’s possible to show questions in “newest to oldest” order, but you can jump directly to a recent question by just clicking on the category link on the right side of any page (under the “Recent Comments” section). Also, this Updates section has been updated.

9/27/08 UPDATE: I’ve added another section inspired by my recent trip to a local buffet with the Smith family, where dinner conversation ranged from child sized beers to “reversals of fortune”. The new section is called “Berger’s Buffet Bonanza”, check it out.

9/21/08 UPDATE: New page, “BER” (Berger Eating Rules). Here you’ll find how I keep my roundish figure. If you have a rule you would like to have me ratify, submit them here.

9/8/08 UPDATE: 1,000 hits as of this morning. Also, the rules on the WWBE page have been abandoned.

9/2/08 UPDATE: For those who like to keep bringing up old shit, there’s now a section of “Archives” with past month’s questions and answers.

8/29/08 UPDATE: There seems to be some confusion on the WWBE page, questions here are all for finding out if I really am a human garbage disposal. All questions on the WWBE page should start “Berger, have you ever eaten…”, general food questions can still go on the Questions page.

8/22/08 UPDATE: I’ve added a new page, “WWBE?“ (What Would Berger Eat?). Should be very informative, please post your eating questions here early and often.